CHILDREN IN DIVORCED FAMILY

By: IhsanUllah Meer

Family and marriage are very old institution. Both of them influence the life as well as code of behavior of people. It is almost a universal desire of people to lead a married life. A happy family life helps in making state and society happy and prosperous. The members of family are closely related to marriage and relations such as parents and child or brothers and sisters. Parents play a very important role in physical and psychological development of their children and their separation becomes a catastrophe for their children and impacts on every sphere of their lives.

A typical nuclear family is formed when a couple marries each other. Marriage is sort of agreement between the couples and they have to perform certain roles in their lives after marriage, including child rearing. It determines particular relations of parents to each other and to their children. When two couples get marry they have to perform certain tasks in their later lives. Producing children and providing them food and shelter are some of the essential functions of the parents. Taking care of the children�s health, betterment of economic conditions and providing them recreation are some of the subsidiary functions of the parents. Another important task of the parents is to provide love and affection to the children. Moreover, parents protect their children in their interest. Children develop their own interests of life and they expect the family to support them in their protection. Parents support there interests such as religious, political, recreations, marital and whatever may be. Parents support their children when they are in need of it. In ill health or in case of being physically handicapped, parents are there to help and to protect their children. Another task of parents in to provide good education to their children so that they can become useful members of the society. They teach the elementary skills at home and send to educational institution for the formal education.

Above mentioned roles of the parents play an important role in the development of their children. All of these functions of parents are possible if there is a good relationship and understanding between them. Otherwise if there is a separation between parents, it would have many negative impacts in their children. Separation between parents may result due to many reasons, for example misunderstandings between the couple or financial hardships. Parental separation has been shown to be associated with both short terms and long term impacts on the lives of their children. Children of divorced parents experience less financial security, lower academic achievements, more alcohol and cigarette use and lower rate of employment as younger adults. Divorce affects children differently depending on their, gender, age and stage of developments. Their world, their security and stability seems to falling apart when their parents divorce. They face academic problems in their adult lives. Some of the effects of divorce in children perspectives include fear of change, fear of being abandoned, losing attachment, coping with parental tension, trying to bring parents back together, aggression, defiance, depression and withdrawal.

Children in the divorcing family think that nothing will ever be the same again, and their previously secure world is in a state of change. Many things will change not just mom or dad will not be around. When mom and dad are at odds and are either separated of considering separation, children have a realistic fear that if they lose one parent, they may lose the other. The concept of being alone in the world is a very frightening condition for children. Children who have a natural attachment for their parents also fear of losing other secure relationships for example friends, siblings, neighbors, pets and so on. Sometime children are simply attached to their surroundings, and moving into new surroundings can cause an understandable negative reaction. Even though many divorces follow years of tension between husband and wife, the tension level typically increases during and shortly after a divorce. And parents who try to turn their children against the other spouse create an absolutely impossible situation for those children.

Studies have proven that the effects on the child depend on the age of the child at the time of parental divorce. It also depends on other factors such as child�s gender and personality, the amount of conflicts between parents and support provided by friends and family. Children of different age group can manifest various responses to parental divorce. Children from three to five years of age frequently believe they have caused their parents divorce. They may fear being left alone or abandoned altogether. They may deny that something has changed, or they may become uncooperative, depressed, or angry. School-age children are old enough to understand that they are in pain because of their parents� separation. They are too young, however, to understand or to control their reactions to this pain. Teens experience more of the psychological impacts of parental divorce; they may experience anger, fear, loneliness, depression and guilt. Some feel pushed into adulthood if they must take responsibility for many new chores or care of siblings. Teens may respond to parents� low energy level and high stress level by trying to take control over the family. Other feels a loss of parental support in handling emerging sexual feelings. Teens also may doubt their ability to get married or to stay married. Understanding the causes leading to their parents� separation, and remembering the conflict and stress of the divorce may interfere with teens� ability to cope with the change in their family.

In conclusion parental divorce has great physical as well as psychological impacts on children. Children are often the innocent bystanders in a divorce situation. No matter how justified the reason is for the divorce, parents need to understand their responsibility to minimize the impact on their children and make this major change in their lives as easy as humanly as possible. So in order to make their children cope effectively or to minimize the negative impact of divorce on children parents must consider their children�s life as well. Both parents need to make sure the children understand that both mother and father will not lean on the children for support but will provide support for them, and both love their children and will remain in their lives. They need to be still their parents although they are no more husband and wife. They need to act like parents, discipline them when needed, prevent them from harm and provide them with all the necessities of life.