Abroad Marriage

Dear Editor,

Through your online newspaper (chitraltimes), I would like to draw the attention of my beloved country men (chitralians) toward a very passionate, sensitive and social issue, �Abroad Marriage�.

In Chitral, before the seventies, no one could even think of their daughters, sisters or other relatives being married out of Chitral. It looked like an ugly disobedience of the long standing Chitrali traditions and was also dishonesty and disgrace with the Chitrali history. The first approach unfortunately toward Chitral for seeking women was made by Pathan Tribes from Peshawar. Their approaches were mostly in those families who were economically and educationally not stabled.

Chitralians are most cordial, honest and respectful people all over the world, but they don�t realize the hidden trick of those people looking for Chitrali women. They offered some black money, temper permit, some used vehicle and some odd jobs in the city, thus they succeeded to enter the pure human respected society of Chitral and get their loved ones for ever.

According to our holy religion (Islam), their aims were not to establish a strong and honorable bridge of a family. What has happened and who is responsible? This is a real question for every Chitrali parent. According to the constitution of humanity (The Holy Quran), summarizes that, don�t get them married with out their own judgment but guide them toward the straight path.

Quran says [33:49] � O you who believe, if you married believing women, then divorce them before having intercourse with them, they don�t owe you any waiting interim ( before marrying another man ), you shall compensate them equitably, and let them go amicably.�

The basic rules governing marriages are:

1) Both people are single (never married, windowed or divorced). God discourages polygamy. Polygamy is allowed only       under very specific circumstances.
2) There is an interim waiting period for recent divorces/widowers which must be full filed.
3) There must be mutual attraction and dowry. The dowry, after due negotiation, must be paid by the man to the women accordingly.
4) Marriage being a sacred institution, the marriage should be fair and equitable to all concerned. Common sense decrees that the stepfather will treat his stepdaughter like a member of his family and love and protect her accordingly. However, the daughter must also continue to enjoy the rights and privileges she enjoyed form her previous father/family.

Now, abroad marriage has crossed the international boundaries and innocent and illiterate Chitrali girls are widespread found in Canada and America. According to a current statistic survey, about seven Chitrali girls are being married in North America with non-chitrali partner. The most uncomfortable matter is that, most of them are uneducated and 15 � 20 years age younger then their life partner. I personally have met one 23 year old Chitrali girl who recently married with a 47 year old divorced man. The girl has blamed her own parents for misleading her.

There isn�t any obligation to get married out of your race, faith or country but there are so many factors to be decided before marriage, especially if you are arranging this marriage out of your country. We should remember the famous chitrali women (Khonza Kai) case some 18 years ago who got married out of her country with a non-chitrali man and what had happened that every chitralians should know. This case has absolute evidence to open the eyes of the beloved chitrali parents.

Never try and think to make this beautiful bridge as a source of your economic and uplifting income, however, always concentrate on the bright future of the couples and before deciding on the marriage of your loved one, you must get enough information about the man and his families background that would convince you to decide about this important decision.

If somebody believes that his/her daughter/ relative will only be happy and stable economically in western countries, this is absolutely wrong and an unfair judgment. Happiness and a smooth life never comes form money and power. This happiness only and only comes from mutual understanding, respecting each other and best behaving with each other.

Gul Jee
102 Yorkland st
R.Hill ON Canada
[email protected]